Things that I can't do at Hogwarts
by MissDifferent
Summary: Here is a list of things I can't do at Hogwarts, I have made these up so it won't be the ones that already exist.  I will be posting ONE-SHOTS of some of these "rules" soon.  xxx
1. Chapter 1

Things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore.  
>By MissDifferent.<p>

Summary: All these are things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore in Hogwarts.

**A/N: ****Anna is my OC by the way****… anyway, read this thing? Hope you like (maybe LOVE?) it?  
>He. Hehe. I love you all yah?<strong>

Sitting at the Gryffindor table and say that they are my best friends forever.  
>Because it is lying. It also starts "interesting" rumors about his sexuality.<p>

Singing "nobody's perfect" while pointing at Voldemort is prohibited.

Buying a red dress is not allowed. Wearing it and commenting on how it "suits his taint" is also not allowed.

Putting a Puke-pill in Pansy's birthday cake is _**NOT**_ going to make you popular.

It is not favorable to put on Death-eater clothes and yelling "I WILL GET YOU MUDBLOOD"

Even if its funny.

Stalking Potter and whispering "He will get you. He will kill you. He is HERE!" and then pouncing on said Potter is only going to get him hexed.

Asking Potter how his parents are doing isn't something you should do.

Because he will then cry.

Running around naked only scares people.

I will not lick people's cheeks just to gross them out.

I will not hug Hermione while she is working.

Nor will I hug Ron.

Telling first years that the giant squid is actually really nice and is just "misunderstood" isn't very nice.

If they get hurt, you will be in trouble.

Telling Hermione that books are illegal is going to make her cry.

Telling her that you worked the problem out by burning all of them is not going to help her.

Braiding Dumbledore's beard is prohibited.

Even though he asked.

I shall not ask my Arithmancy teacher what X is equal in an unknown equality.

It is a bad idea to tell the First years that Dumbledore is Santa.

Because they will believe it.

Sitting on his lap asking him what he's got you for Christmas isn't a good idea.

Putting on round glasses, a black wig and drawing a lightning bolt on your forehead, then making everybody call you "the-boy-who-lived-and-who-is-perfect" is only going to make Potter angry with you.

Flirting with the Fat Lady isn't right.

Even if she liked it.

I am not possessed by Macbeth. Therefore, I can't just kill people who are in my way.

Even when people are saying I'm "going commando" does not mean I have to show them the contrary.

Especially when I can't.

Tandoori owl is not on the menu. I should stop asking.

Albus Dumbledore's name is not "Gandalf". Nor is he Father Christmas or Santa.

Telling first and second years that the Whomping Willow is really a Entwife is frowned upon.

I will not refer to professor Lupin as a nice doggy.

Nor will I call the grim that.

I shan't give rings away and signing the note accompanying them Voldemort.

Nor will I sign the Love letters Snape gets Voldemort.

I am forbidden to have my private army and use it to beat up one blond gray-eyed git.

Making the House-Elves have a revolution isn't nice.

Using nose-bleed pills on members of the staff is not funny.

Using it on pupils isn't either.

Stealing mad-eyed Moody's eye is not appreciated by him.

I am not the wicked witch of the west.

I shan't refer to Mrs. Umbrige as such either.

Saying "Accio Voldemort" in the great hall is not appreciated.

"Being a stripper" is not a real career.

Telling Draco that he is a "Liddle-widdle Daddy's boy" is wrong.

I should not vent what goes on in my head, since when I told Neville he cried in a corner for three hours.

I should not take twenty points of Firsties for being "to bloody small"

I will not call Snape "mum".

–Nor will I say that Filch is "Dad" and insinuate that they are having an affair.

**A/N: First part is finished! What do you think?**

**Review? Flame? Fave? Alert?**

**xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Things that I can't do at Hogwarts  
>By MissDifferent.<p>

**A/N: DunDunDun, Chappy 2!**

**Thank you to Sensuela for her Ideas. (If she read this, I want to tell her that she is great.)**

**Have fun reading!  
><strong>

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><p>Chapter 2: Things Anna still cannot do in Hogwarts. (nor can she do these any were else.)<p>

1. I will not pick up McGonagall when she is in cat form, rub my cheek on her head and say 'Who's a pretty kitty.

2. Suddenly smiling during class scares the frick out of people.

3. Suddenly starting to prance and skip also scares people.

4. Stalking Draco will make him cry.

5. Hugging him is not permitted either.

6. even if he needs one.

7. I am not to steal Dumbledore's lemon drops and sell them as Drugs.

8. Drawing DracoxHarry pictures is not nice.

9. RonxHarry isn't either.

10. HermionexGinny pictures aren't liked by them.

11. I just can't draw pictures of ANYONE with ANYBODY.

12. Nor can I stick them to the walls of Hogwarts.

13. Telling Ron that Argog has invited him for tea is mean.

14. Pinching Harry's cheeks and saying "MeepMeepMeep aren't you cutie-wutie?" is going to make him hex me.

15. Stealing all Hermione's homework and then handing it in as mine is considered cheating.

16. And cheating is bad.

17. Singing "only you" when Ron and Hermione are together is awkward.

18. As is singing "Love is in the air."

20. Giving Snape mints when he hovers around you is going to give you detention.

21. So is charming Shampoo bottles to follow him around until he washes his hair.

22. Pointing out the similarities between Ron and Rupert Grint just confuses people.

23. And that makes them angry.

24. Photoshoping Pictures to make the whole population of school have death marks on their arms is going to offend and create mass panic.

25. Hip thrusting around school freaks others out. And that makes them cry.

26. making Sexual innuendo's makes people think I'm a pervert.

27. And I'm not that. At all… *winkwink*

28. I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

29. There is no reason in yelling "MAGIC!" each time I use a charm.

30. I won't sing my private spy-song when patrolling the corridors.

31. Hitting my head with my hand and saying "SHUT. UP." To the 'voices' isn't going to make me popular either.

32. I will not say that the Weasly twins and the Patil twins would marry are going to make them hex me.

33. Then asking if, if they had Kids they would all look the same is bad. They will HEX ME AGAIN.

34. I shan't run around the corridors at midnight yelling "Bring out your dead."

35. Yelling "NI!" at random parsers by in the corridors scares the hell out of them.

36. I am not a caterpillar animagus.

37. Crawling around the corridors on my stomach is then pointless.

38. I will not glue myself to Professor Snape to see if he really sleeps upside-down

39. I may not tell people that if they anger me I will eat their first born child.

40. "see notes page 3"is not the answer to every O.W.L or N.E.W.T exam paper.

41. Neither is "Yo Mamma".

42. It is not my 'duty' to inform the staff of the large bag of weed under Goyle's bed.

43. Especially if it turns out to be regular cut grass.

44. I will not spit in a cauldron and claim it's a potion that makes you pretty.

45. I will not wrap up Quidditch commentary with "Remember, save a broomstick; ride a wizard!".

46. I am not allowed to convince first years that invisible creatures will eat their brains if they don't wear their underpants over their regular pants.

47. I will not wear Harry's invisibility cloak and lurk around in the showering area of the opposite sex.

48. I will not tell first years that there is candy in Hagrid's beard.

49. will not meow or hiss at Professor McGonagall.

50. I will not refer to Dumbledore as "Gandalf the Gay".

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><p><strong>AN: Yo people! Chappy two!  
>Ugh. Your advise=<br>Your negative comment=**

**Your positive comment=**

**Anything else=**

**xxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

Things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore.  
>By MissDifferent.<p>

Summary: All these are things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore in Hogwarts.

**A/N: Chappy three. Wahay!**

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><p>Wearing a white sheet and mask. And then running down the hall screaming "I am a albino dementor", while make people wonder about my sanity<p>

I am not allowed to sing a veggie-tales song before, during or after herbiologie.

I shan't come to breakfast in the nude since it seems to embarrass some people.

I'm not allowed to use the quidditch poles as strip poles.  
>Or for pole dancing.<br>Even if it's to distract the opposite team.

Gluing peoples hair to their pillow is regrettable.  
>So is stapling it.<p>

It is forbidden for me to wear dark clothing and a hood and ask little people if they want candy.  
>Or if they want to see my puppies.<p>

I will under no circumstances repeatedly poke Colin on the forehead telling him to "accept the will of the mighty me"  
>Ditto Blaise.<br>Ditto Neville.  
>Actually I will never poke anybody repeatedly in the forehead telling them to "accept the word of the mighty me."<p>

If I say that the Gryffindor lion is aslan, harry potter and his sidekicks will kill me.

Referring to Potter's friends as his "sidekicks" is not acceptable.

Professor flitwick is not a hobbit. Asking him if he has furry feet is wrong.

When our DADA professor asks us to "pull out our wands" I shan't ask "which one sir?" Because it is rude.

Calling Seamus a leprechaun is rude. Asking him if he has a lisp is too.

It is not permitted for me to ask any quidditch player of any house if I may "ride his broom" since it causes confusion.

I will never ever ask Snape if he keeps his testicles in a jar next to his bed.  
>Mainly because the answer will scar my sanity.<p>

I may not frolic. It worries people into thinking I'm happy.

Telling Pansy that her face burns my eyes is rude. Not to mention hurtful and mean.

Implying that Ron wasn't dropped as a baby but thrown out of a window violently is evil.

Leaving plastic surgery pamphlets lying around were Crabbe and Goyle can see them is also mean.  
>Even if they need it.<p>

I may not ask Luna what she smokes every morning.

Nor will I imply she belongs to a loony bin.

Painting faces on fruit and then caring them around and calling them "my evil minions" is not going to improve people's wonders about my sanity.

Singing "like a virgin" while following Snape is inacceptable.

Singing "sex bomb" or "sexy bitch" when a particularly handsome specimen walks past me (hint Goyle, Crabbe, pansy) will offend them.

Asking professor McGonagall if she can be your pet is to be avoided. Same for professor Lupin.

Lucius is not a "chubaca" even if he has long hair. He will therefore not be referred as such.

Asking the beaters if I can see their bats and blugers is confusing to them. So is saying that they have two bludgers.  
>Even if it is true.<br>In all senses.

Telling Cho Chang that Cedric didn't really die, but that he is now a vampire and that he is cheating on her with Bella is wrong.  
>Showing her a proof pic is to.<p>

Following unsuspecting first years, and whispering things like "I will get you." And "I know where you live." Is not funny. It gives them nightmares.

Just because the robes look right for it, does not mean I need to become a flasher.

Voldemort cannot be my pen pal.  
>Nor can a death eater.<br>Neither can a prisoner in Azkaban.  
>Scratch that, nobody can be my pen pal.<p>

I am not allowed to suddenly smile out of nowhere when I'm sitting in class. It makes people feel the need to run from the room screaming.

Telling Flint that his future cellmate in Azkaban will hate him for his looks is not nice. It gives him nightmares.  
>Telling him that at least, that way his cellmate won't try and rape him will not make him feel better.<p>

I'm not allowed to call people "queer." Even if where I come from it means "strange."

Hermione's hair is not a "nest" therefore I should stop asking here if I can check it for dead animals.

I am not god. Saying this will offend.  
>Same for a for Buddha.<br>And Zeus.  
>And any deity.<p>

I won't give Hagrid a razor and a instructions manual.  
>Nor will I give him a haircut book and a pair of scissors.<p>

I won't draw a scar on Voldemort's forehead while he is sleeping, and then yell:" OMG, your actually Harry Potter!"

I will not walk around Harry Potter with a portable CD player, so as to add soundtracks to his epic moments.

It is mean to hive professor Bins a coffin with a note saying:" you're dead. Start acting like it."

I will not, in front of Harry use the "are you serious?" "Nope, Bellatrix killed him, you retard" joke.

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><p><strong>AN: What doth thou think?**

**Doth thou like it? Yes? YES? YES?**

**xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

Things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore.  
>By MissDifferent.<p>

Summary: All these are things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore in Hogwarts.

**A/N: I think I'll start writing one-shots for all these rules… what do you think?  
>I want to thank the reviewers, I appreciate them, they are like… eh, a very nice thing.<br>I will reply to Reviews, once my silly PM thing is sorted out…  
>xxxxxx<strong>

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><p>(Continument of Anna's NOT to do list.)<p>

-I shall not make sushi out of the giant squid.  
>However hungry I might be.<p>

-calling professor Quirrel two-faced is mean.  
>Even if it was the truth.<p>

-Draco does not need a nanny.  
>nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime<br>Not even if he insists that he does. And that his father has hired me to provide said service.

-It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."

-it is unacceptable to ask Snape if he is constipated or if he was simply born with that facial expression.

-I will not applaud each time dumbledore has finished a sentance.  
>Nor will I say "Amen".<br>Because he is not god.

-I must not start a charity thing for those to poor to buy shampoo.

-I may not tell Wormtail that his bald spot is so shiny I can see my reflection in it.

- I may not speak in Shakespeareian English during my magical creatures class.

-Screaming at the top of my voice when I don't want to listen to something someone is saying is not allowed.

- putting mayonaise into condoms and putting them into Potters book-bag is not nice.

-having an argument with a painting is acceptable. Telling them that if they don't agree you will burn them, lock them in the attic or shiver them under your bed in the dungons is not a valuable argument.

-I will not dress up as a Basilisk and stalk Professor Flitwick, hissing whenever he talks.

-I must not put "hermione" on my test papers, just to see what facial expression she will have, and if she cries for "failing" that test.

-Crying out "Duck and Cover!" when the morning post arrives is not tolerated.

-"the owls do not poop the morning post, nor can I insinuate this."

-" I must not refer to Mafoy as Maloy, this will get on his nerves."  
>(Those 3 by: )<p>

- "I cannot answer that question because it is against my religious principles" is not what I should answer for my transfiguration homework.

-When Professor McGonagall asks me why I must I always be so difficult, "Because it's my only joy in life" is not an appropriate response

-Using polyjuice potion to look like Snape, then arguing with Snape about which one of us is the real Snape, claiming that I am the real Snape, is fun but will lead to detention.

-I will not paint my common-room glittery purple. Slytherin colours are green and silver. Not glittery purple.

-Throw random ingredients into Potter's cauldron in potion, claiming that it shows "how much I love my cousin", is going to make him fail.

-It is forbiden to shrink the giant squid, put it in Potter's cup in the great hall, then unshrink it.

- Pretending that Professor flitwick is a house-elf is not advised.

- yelling "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair" at Lucius when he is on the top floor of his manor will be painful.

-Dressing up as Snape and bending over Neville at 3 in the morning will make him weep uncontrollably.

- Singing "who let the dogs out?" While following Sirius is not nice.  
>Following him singing "how much is that doggie in the window?" isn't either.<p>

- It is forbidden for me to follow random passerbys yelling " you will marry...", or "your Azkaban sentence is..." Or the über popular "you will die", then telling them how.

- I will under no circumstances play pranks on Potter.  
>Ditto Hermione.<br>Ditto Ron.  
>I will not play pranks on anybody. Otherwise, punishments will ensure.<p>

- I will not ask Pansy who she " did during the Holidays." It is not her fault she is a ugly slut.

-I may not call Pansy a ugly slut.  
>Even if its true.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: Tada!  
>xxx<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore.  
>By MissDifferent.<p>

Summary: All these are things Anna isn't allowed to do anymore in Hogwarts.

**A/N: OOOOOH, a new chappy! Wahayhayhay!**

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><p>- singing "we don't need no education" won't help my cause.<p>

- not allowed to say that healers are perverts because they "touch and feel" all they want.

- I can't put plastic wrap over the loo so that nobody can pee properly.

-professor Lupin will mame me if I ask him once more if "werewolf- style" is the same as "doggie-style."

- singing "not afraid" when I'm in trouble is not going to help my cause. At all.

- Dancing "The Creep" in the great hall will not improve my house points.

- there is no need for me to sing the harry Potter theme song before breakfast.

-saying that girls get periods because "guys would get confused about were to put the tampon" is sexist.

- Smirking and giving little glances to people scares them. It makes them paranoid.

- I shan't stare unblinkingly at a professor since it makes them uneasy.

- I will not organise dates for moaning myrtle.

-I will not make unapropriate jokes about moaning myrtle.

- I shall not dress up as a ballet dancer and give a show.  
>Nor will I be a show girl.<p>

- I will not remove all the nasty tasting bertie bobs every-flavor beans and give them to people ii do not appreciate.

-"it doesn't say I can't" is not an excuse.

i will not tell Dumbledore that his appearance is "feeding stereotypes"

- A mop is not acceptable quidditch gear. Even if it was charmed to fly.

- I will not make a performance of "the ticking noise."

- Hissing is not the same sa parseltongue.

- Offering to buy professor Trelnawey a pair of glasses for her inner-eye is not amusing.

-I am not allowed to point out to Trelawney that astrology needs to be rewritten as Pluto is no longer a planet.

-The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.  
>I should stop insisting it has.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: A bit too short right…**

**What doth thou think-eth of my Chappie?**


	6. Chapter 6

** Chaper 6 of the things Anna Black can't do at Hogwarts school of wizardery.**

**By MissDifferent**

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><p>- I will not greet Oliver by saying:" morning, Wood." It displeases him.<p>

- Professor Trelawney is not a "high hippy" she is not a hippy at all, even if she looks like one.  
>Nor is she high or drunk. Therefore I should stop asking for her room to be raided.<p>

- I will not squash a bug and then claim I've just killed Rita Skeeter.

- I won't smear baby-oil on the toilet seat, so that people slip off anymore.

- I will not put transparent wrap paper between the loo-seat and the accrual thing.  
>I will not mess with any of the toilets in Hogwarts.<p>

- hexing Neville into singing "don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" is not liked.  
>It makes him embarrassed.<p>

- Ginny is not a "fricked up ginger slut who deserves to die" just because she throws herself at my cousin.  
>I will not tell her that she is this.<p>

-I will no longer convince Ron that he is the awesome "ginger ninja".

- I will not laugh when Buckbeak is being fed ferrets  
>nor will I grab Draco and pretend to throw him.<br>That's cruel.

- Ginny is not the result of sexual intercourse between a baboon and a dead fish.  
>Nor did her mom throw her out of the window repeatedly when she was born because she was disappointed with her face.<p>

-Ginny's face does not look like a hippogriffs behind.  
>I should stop saying it does.<br>Because then people wonder why I know what a hippogriffs behind looks like anyway.

- I will not accidentally stab Lavender.  
>It's not her fault she's a fat Griffindor.<p>

- it is not nice to measure the DADA professor for a pine box.  
>Not will I alternately whisper:"so sad, such a charming person" or "what? You mean he's not dead yet?"<p>

-" Bippetty Boppetty Boo" is not a spell, I should not tell firsties that it is.

- I won't wax my legs in class.  
>Nor will I wax my neighbor's legs in class.<p>

-Harry is the-boy-who-lived, not god.  
>He is not Allah either.<br>I will not treat him as such.

- I will no longer complain about paper beating rock.  
>I will not demonstrate why this is rubbish.<br>Even if Ginny wasn't that hurt.

-singing "if only I had a brain" around Neville is mean.

-throwing my head back and laughing hysterically each time someone mentions wands upsets the general public.

-telling Ron that Argog misses him and wants to see him makes him cry.

- Running up to a teacher, preferably male, while yelling:" I NEED A TAMPON'' will make them awkward.

-hiding in the cloth racks at Mms Malkins and whispering "pick mee, Pick ME!" is frowned upon.

-I will not, each time that someone uses the sonorous charm, curl up in a fetal position and scream:" NO, NO NOT THE VOICES AGAIN!"

-when someone asks me for help, breaking down in tears and yelling:" why won't people just leave me alone" is not the done thing.

-Our Quidditch motto may not be changed to 'We will pound you in hard and deep'.  
>Neither will it be 'Our broomsticks are the longest and toughest'.<p> 


End file.
